Anytime I saw this lady, chills run down my spine and I could stand in wonder: smiling for no reason. People who passed by may have been wondering; but little did they know that I had been caught in the love trap.
Here I decided to wake up love when it’s time was not due and this experience reechoed the words of Solomon into my subconscious mind; do not awaken love until it’s time is due (Songs Of Solomon 2:7).
Funny as it may seem, at a point I thought this lady was the only lady in the world as I was literally blinded by all other ladies I saw. In the “in love experience” we meet someone whose physical characteristics and personality traits create enough electrical shock to trigger “our love alert” system.
Indeed it’s hard to believe anything else when you are in love and at it’s peak, the in love experience is euphoric. The person in love has the illusion that his beloved is perfect. Sometimes we are all being made to believe that if we are in love, it will last forever. The eternality of the “in love experience” is a fiction not a fact.
In His book the Five Love Languages; Dr. Gary Chapman explained that; the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years and this was according to a research by Dr. Dorothy Tannor who said that if it is a secretive love affair, it may last longer.
People who are in love lose interest in other pursuits and that is why the “in love experience”is sometimes called an obsession. I could literally day dream about this lady the whole day and may I say it takes a lot of energy and maturity to handle the euphoria in dating and when you are unfortunate to fall into the love trap, nothing seems to matter to you anymore.
My good friend gives a piece of advice to the youth especially guys, He says; Don’t fall in love with a lady without her knowledge, it can damage you. I question that a little and I believe it can only be understood properly when we define what it means to fall in love; otherwise for a young man you may go about informing every lady you set your eyes on that you love her because the in love experience in itself is effortless.
One should take time to scrutinize such a love. Naturally, it takes a lot of courage to throw a proposal at a lady, and in the love trap It even takes more courage because such a proposal may not have marriage in view at it’s early stages.
The in love syndrome is not true love but just the beginning of the journey and where there is fear to go ahead in utter commitment such a love cannot be trusted.
Because there is no fear in love and perfect love casts out fear.
Remember this, if you fear in throwing or making a proposal (this mostly applies to the guys). It could be that;
1. Something is wrong.
2. Timing is bad so be patient.
3. The person is not the right person for you.
4. And the last one is, you may not have crossed from being a “boy to a man” because actually marriage is for only men not for boys. What I mean by this is there is a clear distinction; men are more responsible and age wise are ready to tie the knot as compared to boys who like to play a lot (This may also apply to ladies but to a much lesser extent).
A research study in the Colleges found out that the average college student pursues sex without strings; boys are the main culprits in this case because most young ones at this stage lack vision, and cannot take care of themselves, how much more handling the burden of catering for a lady. It is for this reason that a man shall leave his mother and father not a boy.
Boys cannot leave; it is only men who qualify to leave.
Otherwise there should be no reason why a man should fear a fellow colleague of the opposite sex if you desire marriage.
The in love experience does not focus on your own growth, nor on the growth and development of the other person, rather it gives us the sense that we have arrived.
That is why true love cannot begin until the “in love” experience has run its course.
The need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need, at the heart of mankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love but in the text book of marriage it is but the introduction, the heart of the book is rational and volitional love, according to Dr. Gary Chapman.
You can check out his book; Things I Wish I’D Known Before We Got Married.
We needed love before we “fell in love” and we will need it as long as we live.
According to Dr. Peck in Gary Chapman’s Five Love languages, the falling in love experience is not real love. She gives three reasons for this;
1. The in love experience is not an act of the will or a conscious choice. That is to say we may not be seeking the experience when it overtakes us.
2. Again, she said the in love experience is not real love because it’s effortless.
3. Third, one who is “in love” is not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person. “If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps ensure this result through marriage.”
In Part 1 of this article; we discussed the love syndrome and it’s trap in details; but the danger is never make a decision when caught in this syndrome because it clogs your vision and where there is confusion God is absent for God is not the author of confusion and doesn’t lead in confusion(1 Corinthians 14:33).
I found out this; that you are ready to enter into a love relationship only when you you feel no pressure to enter into it.
The pressure and unrest is mostly a signal telling you to perhaps wait or bide your time concerning a decision. Sometimes the person may be right for you, but jumping into it, can even cause you to lose them.
When the time is right; you will know, there is always a sense of peace and joy that comes with it. That should tell you it is God leading you and giving you the green light. With ladies especially, if you are considering a proposal and you find out that these landmarks are missing (joy and peace) and you just don’t feel right about it, you shouldn’t go ahead with it.
Normally, relationship talks and advice as precious as it may be doesn’t always appeal to many, especially if you find yourself “supposedly in love.” These nuggets of wisdom may not appeal to many young ones because they feel they may be missing out on the good ones who are being taken away and getting married.
But then again; the truth is that, there is not just that only one person who is meant for you.
God gives us a wide scope to chose from, so the decision lies with you and not Him. Certainly, He knows who better fits you and could guide you but the decision is still yours to make at the end because love intself is a choice and even God was not left out of this as He still chose to love us even when we were still sinners.
Any opportunity you get to enter into a dating relationship with the view of marriage should fulfill all righteousness, bring peace and not seek the progress of oneself but the other.
That is the mind of God for creating the two, male and female. He that is joined to the Lord is one Spirit with Him and he that is joined to his wife becomes one flesh with her and in spirit the two are in union. Sometimes missing the mark is as a result of rushing into things and Solomon puts it right in the book of Proverbs 19:14 “that a good and insightful wife is from the Lord.” Let me say this:
Until the Lord gives you someone you cannot possess so sometimes trying to fight to win someone’s heart is not always the sure way. However, when the desire to be with a particular person persists; it could mean that you still have some passion for them.
Again such a passion shouldn’t be beyond your control; such that you become a slave to it and the person per say; literally losing focus of yourself.
Even love needs direction and where one cannot control his or her passions, destruction is inevitable.
To vet such desires and know it’s very source, the best thing to do in such a case is to give yourself some time, and detach yourself from that particular person who incites your desire for commitment whiles taking it to the Lord in prayer.
Time is the best revealer of things; and with time you would know whether you were riding on the wings of your emotions or not.
Certainly, God will not come down from heaven to choose a wife or husband for you; that will mean going against your freewill; something God will not do, despite His sovereignty.
However in our quest and attempt to find love we can do all we can but our quest for love will prove futile save we ask the Creator Himself, He is the originator and has the inside information.
Therefore if God is drawn into your quest to find love He will surely lead you on a good path. Ending this piece I would like to say this; God’s purpose for our lives supersedes our desire for companionship with the opposite sex.
If we can find this purpose and pursue it; every other thing that comes along shall flourish and whoever God has prepared for us too will fit into that purpose.
A man that hasn’t found his purpose in life has no business marrying.
God loves us; He knows us better and wants the best for us. Don’t you ever think that He is withholding a lady or gentleman from you; maybe or maybe not but as for God His ways are perfect, it can be trusted and we can rest in this knowledge and throw the weight of our cares upon Him, knowing very well that He cares about every aspect of our lives, even to the minutest details.
Whatever state you may be in; whether married; engaged; or in a dating relationship, let God be the center and rest in Him; because nothing good will He ever withhold from them that walk uprightly ( Psalm 84:11).
Shalom, God bless you💕